Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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