i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you didnt know i had herpes?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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