peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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