When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
