wanna go halves on a baby?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
