whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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