I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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