I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
