you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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