If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
