I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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