sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
