I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
