she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
