just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
