btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
