I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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