I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
