just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
