I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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