what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
