i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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