You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
