Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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