I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
