Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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