she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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