You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
