Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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