i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
