Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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