The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
