I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize