I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
