I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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