is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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