She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
