I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
