Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
