you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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