Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My pussy is not your playground.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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