he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
