dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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