i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
