I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
