Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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