I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
