Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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