You don't have asthma, your pregnant
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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