Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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