OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
