My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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