first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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