A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
where are you?
Hypothermia
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
