Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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