Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
