and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
