put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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