My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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