you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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