i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Mom said you looked used
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
