just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
