Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
