Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize