A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Two words: nipple clamps
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