If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
