i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
