i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
