its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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