like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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