I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize