His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
