Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
