somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
