You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
