and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize