dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He better not be in your backpack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize