my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
