Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
sex in a hospital.. check
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
