No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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