i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
