Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
