some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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