I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
