Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
