Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize