1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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