I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
