So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize