If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
