Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize