Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
