I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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