Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
