You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
