my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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